


New Me Same Me

by pistachioinfernal



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Congrats Elliot! Go you!, Grace Is A Good Mom, I dunno just a little something..., I'm cis so lemmie know if this is working?, Other, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, basically I heard about Vanyas actor coming out as trans and wanted to write something right away, trans!Vanya Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27823675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pistachioinfernal/pseuds/pistachioinfernal
Summary: Vanya has something to confess to their family.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 104





	1. A Mother Knows

“Hey Mom...”

Grace was working in the kitchen on lunch for the rest of them, egg salad with BLT and carrot cake for dessert. She turned around with her ever-present smile. “Yes dear?”

Vanya fidgeted with his baseball cap, taking it off, exposing newly cut hair. He took a deep breath before letting it out again.

“I just wanted to tell you...before I told anyone else...”

Deep breath, deep breath, you can do this.

“...I’m....I’m....trans.”

Grace nodded thoughtfully, then reached out, giving his hands a squeeze. “I know.” she said softly.

Vanya gaped. “You...know?”

“When I gave your all your names...I remember looking down at you and thinking... ‘well that’s my little boy.’” She winked. “Thankfully your father isn’t as well versed in Russian as he thought.”

Vanya found himself staring, not able to process what his mother was saying.

“I...what?”

“My dear darling....in Russia, Vanya is a boys name.”

“...It is?”

“Yes of course! It’s the diminutive of ‘Ivan’. Which I can call you, if you prefer.”

Vanya hmm thoughtfully. “I...don’t know....that would be...I guess I’ll have to think about it?”

“Of course! The right name is important after all!” said Grace, dimpling sweetly. “Now, since today is a celebration, I think we’ll bring candles for the cake. Be a dear, and look in the pantry would you?”

Vanya nodded, smiling. “Sure thing.”


	2. All The Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Formerly Number Seven, Formerly Vanya, Ivan comes out as trans to his siblings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for slight transphobia, as well as a slight discussion of body disphoria. I tried to make it brief, but it's there. There's also some deadnaming of the character in question. If you need another cw for this chapter, let me know <3

Ivan, formerly Number Seven, formerly Vanya...was nervous. It had been Graces...Mom's idea to come out to the rest of the family at the picnic, make it into a sort of impromptu celebration. And he'd agreed, at the time.

But now, with everyone just sitting around, eating their salad and sandwiches, he could feel his stomach churning in knots. He was startled by a cool hand resting on his, and looked up into Moms face. She smiled gently, squeezing his hand.

"It's okay darling...you don't have to say anything if you don't want to." she whispered reassuringly.

Ivan took a deep breath, then nodded his head. "No, no I want to do this mom...I can do this."

Slowly, they stood up. It was an idealic picnic day. The citronella candle was actually working, keeping the mosquitoes at bay. The sun was warm but they had enough shade, and the air smelled of honeysuckle and lemonade. "Yup...perfect day to come out." they muttered nervously.

"Hey...Vanya? Why are you standing up...and talking to yourself?" said Luther, frowning at his sibling in puzzlement. Ivan wiped his sweaty hands on his shirt, looking at his family with a nervous smile.

"Um...I have something to tell you all...." They paused, then took a deep breath. "My name isn't...Vanya. It's Ivan. My pronouns are he/they."

Everyone was silent for a moment, then Klaus scrambled to his feet, a huge grin on his face. "He/they...he/they?? Oh my gawwwwd oh my gaaaawwwwwd, litttle bro!" he said with a smile, grabbing Ivan into a crushing hug, jumping up and down with excitement.

"Klaus...you're crushing me." Ivan gasped. Klaus pulled back. "Sorry sorry, This is so exciting bro!"

"Well done Ivan," Five said, raising his glass of lemonade in a toast, giving Ivan a small smile. "Good for you. And Klaus, stop saying 'bro' every five seconds." he added, rolling his eyes. "We know what the English language is, you're embarrassing yourself.

"Oh I'm sorry littler bro." said Klaus. Five glared, stabbing a finger at him. "You will _no_ call me-"

"I will so!" said Klaus, sticking out his tongue. Allison groaned theatrically, laughing as she fell back on the picnic blanket. "Oh noooo I'm outnumbered!"

Ivan gave her a sheepish grin. "Sorry."

"Don't you dare, I'm happy for you." she said, waving her hand. "Come on, time for a group hug!" She stood up, joining Klaus and Ivan.  
Diego did too, leaning in to kiss Ivan on the top of his head.

"Anyone gives you any trouble, tell them your big brother's a vigilante who likes to play with knives." he said.

"Two brothers." Five corrected, as he gingerly joined the group (he'd never been one for hugs, Ivan appreciated the effort). Diego glared. "You're not a vigilante."

"I could be."

Ivan laughed as he brothers bickered with each other, then looked over at his last brother. "Luther?"

Luther was just...sitting there. Looking stunned.

"I...I'm just....I'll..." He got up and walked to the car. Ivan could feel his smile fading.

"Do you want me to kill him?" Diego whispered. Ivan shook his head, frowning. "Don't tempt me."

The next few days were hard.

No, take it back, they weren't hard. Everything was as perfect as life with the Hargreeves ever got. His family treated him the same, except Klaus still threw out the 'bros' like they were confetti. When he'd gone into practice for the first time since coming out, people had been mostly supportive (except that one Karen b-word who had left when he'd made his announcement, but who cares about her).

Grace, Klaus, and Allison had took him shopping for new clothes (though to be fair, his wardrobe had been turning this way before he had). But Mom had said it was to 'celebrate that your outsides matched your insides', which had made him smile like he couldn't imagine. Klaus had tried to get him to try something more colourful, but Ivan had turned him down. Their styles were...not compatible. ('I really don't want to look like a rodeo clown.' 'Excuse you! A _sexy_ rodeo clown thanks!")  
Allison had paid for the whole thing, waving him off when he protested. "It's the least I could do." she said, giving him a big hug and a kiss. 

Diego and Five had taken him to a knife throwing range (which was something he didn't even known existed). He'd been terrible, but they'd all had fun anyway (especially when Diego had started sharking the other people at the range).

But Luther was.....  
Luther was.  
Um.

Luther was avoiding him.  
It hurt.  
The apology that he'd given him back in Dallas...that had meant something. It felt real. It was a memory he treasured.  
And now that memory felt tarnished.

He really shouldn't be so upset. Four of his siblings accepted him. His Mom and his father figure accepted him (Pogo was always going to be the closest thing he ever got to a real Dad...even though he wasn't sure he'd forgiven him yet). He hadn't been kicked out of orchestra, far from it.  
So why did this hurt so much? Why did he need this so much?

He and Luther had never been close, even before he transitioned. Luther was too much of a Daddys Boy. And then he'd had amnesia (or wilful amnesia whatever), and, well, it had been kinda nice? Not to have all the baggage and emotional trauma? And, let's be honest, having a super adorable, super tough, super _amazing_ girlfriend had helped.  
But anyway Luther.  
Luther had been...better. Nicer? Less of a pain in the ass? He certainly respected them more, which was great. But there had been....a connection. Something. And now...Ivan felt his stomach knotting up again.  
And now his brother wasn't talking to him.

You know what's simple? he thought. Music. A violin doesn't care who you are, as long as you can play. It cares that you hit the right notes, at the right time. The end.  
So he.... picked up his violin and started playing...playing and not stopping until all of the sudden a voice at his door said "Ivan" and he stopped, breathless.  
His hands hurt, and his neck hurt and he ached all over.  
Looking over at the door, he blinked in surprise. It was Luther. "Uh...hi." he said timidly.

Ivan nodded back, cautiously, and started to put his violin away, wiping it down with the cleaning cloth before he checked the pegs and the bridge.

"So..you're still doing that?" Luther said.  
Ivan shot him a look. "What, did you think I'd give up the violin along with skirts?"

Luther hmmed, looking at the ground. "I guess not."  
Ivan nodded, closing the case.  
"I'm sorry." Luther suddenly blurted.  
Ivan paused.

"I...I'm not good. At this...talking. People. Change. People. People changing." Luther said, motioning between him and Ivan. Ivan stood there, listening. He tried to do his best Five impression, aiming for a bored indifferent look.  
"But I'm happy for you. I am. I just...I'm sorry."

"Luther...you haven't talked to me for a week."

Luther nodded. "A week Luther." Ivan allowed his eyes to flash white briefly and Luther stepped back slightly. Then he shrugged, putting his violin back in the case.

"I'm jealous of you." said Luther. Ivan frowned, turning back to him. "I hate the way I look. My body feels...all wrong. I'm always bumping into things, breaking things by accident. But I can't change it. And you just....decided who you were one day. And then...you were Ivan."

"I always was Ivan." he said, raising one eyebrow. "And I didn't 'just decide who I was one day'. This was _years_ of repression, and denial, and therapy, and finally acceptance before I got to where I am now."

"I'm making this all about me, aren't I." said Luther, frowning. Ivan nodded, digging his hands into his pants pocket as he walked over to his brother. "You are...but...I guess it must have sucked, waking up all the sudden with a totally new body."

Luther twisted his mouth. "Yeah....but it's not like what you're going through, I get that."

"Well you should." said Ivan.

"I'm sorry."

"You should be."

There was a pause, then Ivan sighed, rolling his eyes. "Okay...so...I'm going to accept your apology. But! But you're not forgiven yet, if that makes sense."

Luther nodded. "Yes." Then he frowned. "No....but....I guess you're right. Wait no...you are right."

Ivan smiled. "Damn straight."

"No pun intended." said Luther, with mock solemnity. They stared at each other, then they both cracked up.

"Oh my god!" Ivan said, wheezing. "That was terrible!"

"I know....but I just couldn't-!" said Luther, and Ivan cackled, poking him in the side. They were both hanging on to each other now, wheezing and laughing.

"So...are we good?" said Luther. 

Ivan shook his head. "No....but," they gently bumped Luther with a fist. "It's a good start."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes for Chapter Two: You ever do something great, and five people praise you and tell you how good it is, but one person says nothing? And despite everything, it's that one persons silence that sticks in your head? Yeah....:(
> 
> So I was considering....who would have a problem with Ivan coming out? Everybody's pretty accepting....but Luther well. Luther doesn't like change. And it's easy to see why. Every time something changed for him, it was life altering, painful, lonely, and/or scary. So for Luther change = scarybad. However, his speech at the beginning of season two shows that he want to do better for his sibling, so I wanted to show both of those things. And here we are!
> 
> I tried not to be too heavy into themes of transphobia and transitioning. As a cis woman, I can read up on stuff, but I haven't been through it. So I didn't want to speak from a viewpoint I didn't have. Hope it was okay.  
> Edit: I forgot about Allison! Allison is now with them all on the shopping trip. <3  
> If there's ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING you feel needs improving, let me know, I will totally edit it.
> 
> Thank you thank you everyone so much for all these great kudos and comments, I love it! <3

**Author's Note:**

> That's it! :) Short and sweet. As someone who is cis, I wasn't sure about using 'Vanya' though but it is a boys name...if anyone has some good input for me, I'm willing to hear! :) I will totally edit. (Also, how many of my fics end with people smiling? Am I addicted to people smiling as an endcap? Who knows!)
> 
> I wanted to write something to celebrate [Elliot Page coming out as trans](https://www.teenvogue.com/story/elliot-page-came-out-as-transgender), especially since he'll be playing Vanya (or Ivan) on The Umbrella Academy. So hopefully Vanya will be trans too, cross fingers!
> 
> Next chapter: Coming out to the siblings!


End file.
